Skip to main content

the little details

This past Friday night was only the second time in my entire life that I have gone to a movie as Joanna.

There was nothing particularly eventful about the experience only that before the show started the woman next to me leaned over and said:

“Normally these theatres are so cold but not today for some reason dont'cha think?”

I replied that I agreed.

She dealt with me like one woman to another and I know for a fact that wouldn’t have happened if I weren’t presenting as one. It wasn’t just what she said but the way she said it and I have learnt to recognize and appreciate that approach very much.

Then it was meeting Jacqueline and her husband yesterday on the train from Oakville to Union Station. She asks me why I am going downtown and we begin a conversation. He is half interested and does not look up from his phone except for the odd time perhaps recognizing the flow of the discourse has taken on a decidedly female tone. By the end of the train ride she has given me her card and wants to get together for coffee.

There definitely is a difference in the way women relate to each other. Of that there is no question.


Comments

  1. Yes, they do... and the inability to tap into that saddened me for years. It still does. Glad the door opened for you.

    ReplyDelete
  2. When your consciousness is rising that wavelength, you'll resonate a certain way. Others will pick up on it, and adjust accordingly. Unconsciously. Especially those riding the same wave.

    ReplyDelete
  3. thanks to all of you for the nice comments..

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

looking past cross gender arousal

Jack’s latest Crossdreamers post got me thinking about cross gender arousal and how it could be avoided; also whether it even matters. This with particular focus on the inability to relate of someone on the outside looking in.

You see, sexuality is a very complicated thing to begin with and when you then add gender identity ambiguity it becomes a recipe to really confuse someone.

So imagine that you are a little boy who identifies as a girl but then along comes puberty and short circuits everything by having the sex you identify with also be the sex you are attracted to. For in essence this is what happens to all all male to female gender dysphoric trans persons who are attracted to women.

So I ask myself: can I imagine a scenario where this inherent contradiction would not produce sexual confusion? The answer is that I cannot.

I am in the unique position, like many of you, to have experienced an early identification with the feminine become sexualized later on. This brought confusion…

understanding the erotic component

I have written about crossed wires before in two separate posts. The idea is that one cannot pass through puberty and the development of sexual feelings for females and not have your pre-existing gender dysphoria be impacted through your psychosexual development. The hormone responsible for your libido is testosterone which is present in much stronger concentration in males and is why gynephilics are most likely to experience erotic overtones as the conflict between romantic external feelings and their pull towards the feminine become permanently intertwined.

Because I came from a deeply religious family where sex was not discussed much at all, I grew up with little access to information and was very much ignorant of matters relating to the subject. With no firsthand experience in intercourse until I married I was then faced with the reality that my ability to perform sexually had been deeply impacted by my dysphoric feelings. This began years of turmoil and self-deprecating thoughts …

another coming out

Recently I had lunch with one of the young estimators who occasionally works with me here in Toronto. We were chatting about work and our respective lives when she queried about my love life:

“So how is it going on that front. Meet anyone interesting lately?”

I reflected for a moment and then said:

“My situation is a little particular and if you don’t mind I can share something about myself”

She leaned in a bit and told me to please go ahead.

“I am trans” I said matter of factly.

She looked at me and smiled and said:

“Really? That’s so neat”

She is 35 years old and a lovely person which is why I knew I could confide in her. I then added that I had been reflecting on whether I would switch companies and begin working as Joanna and although she is totally open she also knows how conservative our business can be. So I told her that if I did decide to it would definitely be under a different umbrella.

Then yesterday I was coming back to my place and the lady who rents it to me, who is abo…