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just to be clear...

I certainly don’t mean to sound callous or insensitive when I say things and yesterday’s post could have been taken that way. My message was about waking up transgender people to the idea that they are not pariahs and they shouldn’t have to beg someone to tolerate their “illness”

I have reached a stage in my life where my self-esteem is far more important than bending myself over in order to be accompanied in life. Believe me, I tried that way for years and it didn’t work.

Those of you who are currently in relationships where your transgender nature is completely suppressed I feel for you. But getting a taste of the freedom I am enjoying now there is no going back and my only plea to partners in a relationship would be to try and understand the other person before calling it quits.

Make no mistake, I don’t have much sympathy for the person who suddenly announces out of the blue that they are transitioning and expect the spouse to get with the program. If she ends up divorcing you it is her right because she was sold a fake bill of goods. Divorce, on the other hand, based exclusively on cross gender behavior is another matter altogether.

Many of us thought we could never expect to get an understanding spouse and many of us didn’t but I am not certain that suppressing who you are just to be with someone is much of a life in my opinion.

As far as the term “crossdresser” goes, it has been used by many to downplay how gender dysphoric people deal with their reality and unfortunately it has taken on the connotation of “heterosexual male with a kink” as my friend Jack Molay commented recently. While if you look up the WPATH standards of care, you will note that it includes cross gender expression among its recommendations for dealing with gender dysphoria without transitioning.


  1. I have also assumed that most if not all self-described crossdressers are transgender and that for whatever reason they either don't see it that way, understand that transgender includes them in its definition, or are perhaps in denial.

    I can speak to this in relation to my own experience. Although I have experienced gender dysphoria from my earliest memories, and wish I'd been born or could live as female, I told my wife that I mostly enjoyed dressing as part of my sexuality. She asked if I wanted to be a woman and I told her no although in fact I wasn't sure and was so overwhelmed with emotions and thoughts I couldn't think straight.

    But then I recently came across this, a podcast with Sissy Godwin, a fully-out crossdresser in Wyoming:

    I think you'll agree when looking at “his” (his preferred pronoun) photo that crossdresser is an accurate description. I was disappointed that the interviewer didn't ask about whether or not he "also" identifies as transgender.

    Last, I didn't feel that you came off as disrespectful or callous in yesterday's post. And I would like to feel the same as you, "I have reached a stage in my life where my self-esteem is far more important than bending myself over in order to be accompanied in life." One day at a time my friend, one day at a time...

    1. thanks Emma...and yes a name like Sissy Godwin is a dead giveaway :)


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