Thursday, 27 October 2016

your personal tipping point

The existence of transgender people should be predictable with 100% certainty even if one had never met such an individual.

This assertion is based entirely on a logical extension of seeing the way nature operates as there is no living thing on this planet that is left untouched by anomalies, permutations and variations. Yet oddly gender identity is expected to be unflinching and rigid because those whose sex and gender identity align say it should be so.

This denial of reality is beginning to change but only by the sheer force of needing to minister to people who are despondent and in many cases suicidal. The true numbers are beginning to be felt and this disclosure is being described by the skeptical as the “transgender agenda”.

Transgender people are tired of suppressing and living life according to someone else’s rules. Humanity is full of wonderful, caring and understanding individuals but is also replete with agenda-driven half-wits who don’t have two brain cells to rub together. We cannot worry about who loves us or not and just live in the open air like everyone else with the aid of legislative protections.

What needs to happen is that people regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity should be left alone to live life on their terms. It sounds so simple and yet for some who would deny this basic right its analogous to societal treason.

If you haven’t reached your own tipping point you are probably almost there already and once on the other side there is no going back.

Wednesday, 26 October 2016


Antonia Michelle’s post on hormones (which Calie featured on T-central) really got me thinking.

Do ingesting hormones change your internal gender identity? I think the obvious answer would be no. Your intrinsic identity will not be changed although maybe some aspects related to brain chemistry which the hormones impact likely will. At least this is what I have read and been told when I was in gender therapy.

The vast majority of people have an identity that aligns reasonably with what is expected but for the 0.6% who don’t it can be a daunting exercise in suppressing and hiding the true self. That true self was there before and after the hormones were ingested.

The question then becomes why should I take hormones?

That is a highly personal question that each transgender person needs to weigh. For some it forms an essential part of a full and necessary transition process while for others it’s an aid in "passing" in the eyes of society or perhaps as a way to help curb dysphoric feelings.

We are all different.

But regardless of the way you proceed I don’t think that the administering of hormones is a substitute for the self-acceptance process that needs to be happen before doing anything. I think you need to accept you are transgender, embrace it and heal the psychological scars of your childhood before embarking on a next step.

Personally I don't intend to follow down that rabbit hole and, when the dust settles from your reflection process, some of you just might find they are not for you either.

Tuesday, 25 October 2016

a case of two extremes

First this story from the Hull Daily Mail:

"Melissa Ede, a taxi driver, was raised in the post-war Hull of the 1960s. Born male, Ede grew up identifying as a girl. Aged three, she told her parents she is a girl, to which they told her it was a phase she would grow out of.

The 56-year-old said: "You do not grow out of it. In the end, you're made to conform to what everybody else wants to see."

For the next four decades Ede purposefully had her transgender identity airbrushed out. As Leslie, she married and had three children in an effort to conform to stereotypical notions of masculinity. She described how her childhood realization turned into a firm resolve that led to a clinic in Leeds.

Ede said: "The kids, my children, I love to pieces. I wouldn't change anything now, but if I could go back and start again and not know about my children I would do it completely different and I would not do the marriage and the rest of it because all I've done, I feel like, is hurt people throughout my life by doing it because I haven't been true to these people."

Her gender transition was met with her parent's disapproval, physical violence on the streets of Hull and a lack of medical care. But Ede does not wear her tragedies on her skin. She is ebullient and ambitious, with a goal of changing the world.

Ede said: "I want to be remembered that I helped to change the world one person at a time." which is what the note she is holding in the photo below reads"

As a stark counterpoint to the pathos of the above story is a short article on a clearly mentally-disturbed Trump supporter who carries a gun to the toilet in case there is a transgender woman present (I wish I were joking).

At this point I would counsel Melissa that no amount of help is going to change some clearly twisted and malevolent individuals.

Monday, 24 October 2016

my 1000th post

This blog is now 4 years and 1000 posts old.

I never originally planned to go this long and beginning it in 2012 was part plea for help and part exploration into a complex subject I didn't really understand and still fully don't. I was depressed and frustrated and it showed as this first entry excerpt will attest to:

“Life will get better again. I know that from experience but I hate feel stuck in the middle like this. I am a man but I am not normal. I am a man who dresses up as a woman and I feel its advancing. Some days I wish it would just go away and let me be. But I know it won't”

I don’t go back to my old entries, but I know there is a huge difference between the person that wrote that post and the one writing this one.

The exploration into my psyche as well as into the published research did the trick for me and I hope to be able to help others in any way I can. I am not so arrogant to think that this blog is in any way a substitute for your own heavy lifting, but I would happy to know that I was able to make some small contribution to your reflection process.

Along the way I have made new friends and learnt so much about their own struggles with gender dysphoria. All I can say is that there is definitely strength in numbers.

This blog would never have existed were it not for my insatiable appetite for understanding myself and why I was made different. What I have learnt along the way is that we are born this way and don't choose this particular path. With that knowledge in hand you can then proceed to make the best of a situation that few people understand and turn it around so that it becomes more advantageous to you.

Sunday, 23 October 2016


A transition is not about throwing out the old person you were but instead about repatriating the part that got suppressed for fear of discovery.

How many of you know stereotypically feminine women? I actually know very few and that is because they also have a masculine side; no matter how large or small. Some transgender people make the mistake initially of trying to drown their masculine traits in the bathtub when what is required is a fusion.

Your genuine self resides somewhere between the masculine and the feminine.

Therefore we experiment over the years and at first become facsimiles of extreme feminine stereotypes. I suspect this is a kind of over compensation for all those years of suppression and react like a uncoiled spring that overshoots.

Then over time we learn to fuse the two solitudes which includes toning down the exaggerated clothing and mannerisms. We learn to dress appropriately for the occasion and the setting.

As I have aged this has happened to me and Joanna has become a more balanced fusion as she has been fleshed out in the real world.

Saturday, 22 October 2016

being thankful

There have been darker times when I wanted my gender issues gone because it has not made my life easier. “Just give me cancer and let me go” I would ask God before I drifted off to sleep.

There is no question that living with dysphoria is no picnic and yet I always found a way to find light again. Most of my distress has come from buying into a narrative for so long and now having to write a new one for myself. This is much harder to do when you are in your fifties than in your twenties.

I mentioned this to my mother the other day and she told me it would have been easier if I had transitioned young and to do so now would be too difficult. I agree with that assessment but not because I am afraid but because I am still unconvinced my life would be so much better. If that opinion ever changes then I would consider it.

Life is never perfect for anyone and challenges exist irrespective of what you do. What often happens is that you trade one set of challenges for some new ones. This is why I strive to be happy just as I am and, in spite of living with gender dysphoria, I am a content person.

There is very little that I lack and am fortunate for my education, financial status, health, intelligence and for my family.

Dark periods come and go but if they are part of the minority of your waking hours then we must consider ourselves very fortunate indeed.

Friday, 21 October 2016

high expectations

It's funny isn’t it?

Here are some genetic women detesting the sartorial requirements of their job where some of us transgender people would love to exercise that option.

Many women in the corporate world wear tailored skirt suits and heels and then long to ditch them once at home in favour of a T-shirt and shorts. Men are much the same in abandoning the tie and stiff white shirt which for some is a type of prison. Of course not all of us are the same but my point is that we all to some degree bow to societal and corporate pressure and comply.

The expectations relative to our particular gender role have always been rigid and hence you will see only a tiny fragment of society rebel; such is the pressure of conformance where failure to comply invariably invites ridicule. Beyond clothing are also the behavioral cues which signal that this is a man or this is a woman. Here ambiguity also invites scorn and derision although that is slowly beginning to change.

If today you are a boy who dresses as a girl or a girl who dresses as a boy don't let anyone tell you different because you don't want to look back on your life one day and realize you lived it on someone else's terms.

Think how many people out there might want to escape expectation but are afraid to. Perhaps our own example of pushing the envelope will help provide them the courage to do so.